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I'm sorry life hasn't turned out the way you dreamed. Believe me there is a support group for that .it's ed EVERYBODY and the meet every day. It IS hard and nothing I or anyone say or write here change that. Can't do it. We all go through shit in life that brings us to our knees, seems almost too painful at times to face but take a look sister, you're facing it aren't you? You've survived so far, you've done OK and you know what it could be worse. If you think somehow you're entitled to some cosmic fucking balance and reward for doing your best you are going to be sadly disappointed. Life doesn't work that way, never has and never. You can't control what happens outside of your own actions, the economy won't turn around because you need a better job, you can't force your ex to suddenly some fucking light and decide he should do as you think he should and you sure as hell don't know if life is better for him. So he quit his job for spite, wonderful who's he really fucking over? Um, himself!!! What a dirtbag. He wants to be some waste of fucking flesh LET HIM. Count on NOTHING from him and if you ever a dime it's a BONUS. Rely on YOU. You're stuck, you're stuck between the life you live and the life you want. Only one way to get out of that trap, stop focusing on the life you want that shit is too unpredictable. You don't even know what tomorrow bring but if you want it to be better than today, then you need to make sure you make today better. Take care of the shit you need to take care of what do you need to do today? If that is going to work well then go, if that also includes eating right then eat right today and if it means getting started on finding support, then if you can find some support. Get present and STAY THERE shorten your expectations, narrow your focus. Yeah that's all easier said than done, in fact it's damn hard. Sorry, can't promise you rainbows and lollipops but if you do it life be better not great perhaps but better is something. Keep it up and one day you might just wake up and recognize..hey, this shit ain't that bad.

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